I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
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