4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
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