He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
