Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
She even gives head with a lisp.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Randomize
