Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
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