You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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