im drinking this country out of the recession.
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
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