By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
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