I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
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