If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
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