Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
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