My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
Randomize
