i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
