I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Randomize
