i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Randomize
