Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
Randomize
