His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
PANTIES FOUND
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
