like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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