I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
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