So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
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Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
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Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
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