never play flip cup with pint glasses
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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