new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
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