So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
