the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
We got so high we made milksteak
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Randomize
