What did we do last night that was yellow?
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Randomize
