oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
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Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
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