"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
