i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
