Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
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