chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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