do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize