So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Randomize
