I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
