you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
