just come out here and I will go home with you...
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
