HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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