WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Randomize
