just survived the first fart of the relationship.
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Randomize
