Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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