Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
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