Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
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