I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
