her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
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