I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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