your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
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