I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Randomize
