hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
