no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Randomize
