I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
