I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
