you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Randomize
