RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
I am naked and annoyed.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
