if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
Lets evaluate? U kissed one boss and lef twith another man. I cock teased the other, hardcore had a tongue jammed down my throat, made out w aa third then left in a cab w alex w them all yelling at me and offering rides. My cheek was also licked and bitten by 2 other men and we almost made out (u and me) because they asked. were hired.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
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boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
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we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
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