it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize