Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
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