Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
Randomize
