all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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