Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Randomize
