Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Randomize
