dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Randomize
