I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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