When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
So I just went to clothing optional bar
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
