census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
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