i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Randomize
