sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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