what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
