I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
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