i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
