The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
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I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
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