When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
