He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Randomize
