I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
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