My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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