God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
he fucked my hip out of place.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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