NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Randomize
