Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
