did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
